My life is praise. The very fact that I am alive is testimony to God’s grace, because I have clinical depression and disordered eating. At the time of starting this new blog, I am 30, a wife, a mother, and I have been receiving medical help for depression for several months. It is very possible to be a saved Christian and to still be depressed, even to the degree of wanting to die. After all, “to live is Christ, to die is gain”, right? Well, in a way, yes. But there’s more to this life than living and dying.
I want to make my life a prayer of worship to Jesus. I don’t know why God has given me this particular cross of illness to carry, and I don’t know why it’s been so long in my life. I do know that he tells me to pick up my cross and follow him. Not to “pick up your cross and I’ll take it from you and make life blissful and prosperous”, but to pick up that cross I already have and follow him, now, with it.
“We are like windows stained with colors of the rainbow
Set in a darkened room ’till the bridegroom comes shining through
Then the colors fall around our feet over those we meet
Covering all the gray that we see
Rainbow colors of assorted hues — come exchange your blues
For His love that you see shining through me…”